the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
is that a dick in a sweater?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
