Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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