I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
