I heard we made out
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
