Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
