I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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