false alarm. still invincible.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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