I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
be right there i have to get my cape
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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