Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
