im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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