Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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