he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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