Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
