I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
