she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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