Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
