i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
