If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
