The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
