tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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