Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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