i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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