when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
