You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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