4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
