Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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