He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
