New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
