you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
