Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Are we still banned from the library?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
