I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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