I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
