You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
