I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
