I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
