If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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