they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
you never un-have a 4some
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
