i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
