I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize