i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
