oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize