Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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