sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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