I just saw a hot homeless man
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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