giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Randomize
