I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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