How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
