I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
