Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
