its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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