it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
