he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
