I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Randomize
