Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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