i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
