I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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