her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize