New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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