frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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