why didn't you poke me back
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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