I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
