What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
