I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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