I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
