im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
