im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
