3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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