You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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