we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
