when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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