I've blown a few things in my day
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
