i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
