Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
