maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
