Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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