I am in a vortex of obligation.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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