Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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