i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I didn't notice because vodka
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
