Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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