Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
