dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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