All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
