I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
