Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
