I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
