i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
