Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
