Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
