Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
