drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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