Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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