You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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