How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
