I wanna bring you to show and tell
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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