We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The air taste purple.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
