Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
