u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
