His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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